There is "pressure" in life wherever you let there be. More times than not the pressure is "self inflicted." If your like me, you don't like to disappoint. To quote someone famous "I heard that the more influence you carry, the bigger target you wear." I fear that the turn my life has taken and my reaction, and my continual faith in God's sacrifice for me, will make me a bigger target for the devil.
Till last week, I yearned for a way to thank God for the Awesome life that I experienced, and for "BREAKING" my chains of addiction for 3 yrs. Till last week, I try to shout God's glory, on the highest mountain. Till last week, I was greatful to God, for rescuing me from life stronghold. Allowing for me to life out his plan for my life. Till last week, I enjoyed my life and what God blessed me with. Till last week, I owed everything I have, Everything I am, and Everything I dont have, to God. Till last week, I praised God for all his glory. I trusted in him, had faith in him, and loved and thanked him. Then last week happened. My 14 month old daughter, my miracle baby, who was supposed to miscarry multiple times. After enduring all that, Dies!! Goes to be with her almighty Father. So now, I am left here. With the earthly world, telling me I should question God, and his so called plan for my life. Question, his so called mercy. How could this loving God, creator of all things, take a precious girl, LONG before her time. The secular world, tells me to abandon this so called God. Look what he has done "TO" you and your wife. How could this loving God, let a young boy, find his sister? How could your "So called" God let a "nanny" be scarred so bad?
I tell you, this is what the Devil and unbelievers of world, are TRYING to get me to believe. Trying to get me to abandon My God, that just a week ago I worship, I thanked, I praised, I followed, I Loved, I owed everything I know about me and my life to. I did all this then, and I am going to keep doing all this. Till the day I die. I am going to teach my son to do it. I am going to continue to be the spiritual driving force in my household. I am going to get my friends to do it. I am going to get my family to do it. Co-workers, addicts, hookers, patients, gamblers, liers, thiefs, every lost sole I come across. Satan, watch out, God has chosen THIS MAN. God has picked me, to be someone that has gone through something horrible, and continued to tighten my relationship with him. So, you go ahead satan, you go ahead. Pick at everything around me. With "My God" I can beat you. With "My God" I have the strength of many, to tell you to go back to the hell you came from.
So yes, there is "pressure" in life. It is only me, putting it on myself. Pressure to please others, pressure to bring others to know Christ . Pressure to not mess this God given opportunity. I am living my life to please God. If that brings others to know him and his greatness, than let it be. I am not trying to live to impress others. I am trying to live to show God how much he means to me, and how much I appreciate the life he has blessed me with.
God uses all things for the goodness of his glory- even suffering. So to equal out the suffering my family and I are going through, God has something miraclous planned. In that plan, I keep my hope, in that plan, I am excited for tomorrow.
God, I pray to, thanking your for another day of sobriety. Thank you for the strength to get through today. I pray, father, that you bless me with the ability to comfort my family and my wife for another day. Bringing them another day closer to understanding your power, greatness, and love. I thank you for, I love you, and I know I am nothing without you.