So it has been a little more than 5 months since Reagan passed away. Yesterday I spent part of my Father's Day at the Grave site with my two best friends (Harry and Swift) I never thought my life would be this way, but I will not allow myself to be defined by a single moment. Did Reagan dying change my life for every? Yes. It changed my priorities, and allowed me time to sit quietly and just wait on God to speak to me. To give me direction, to give me clarity. When He did speak to me, and let me know what to do, He directed me to quit my job at the fire dept. I battled God in this for months, each time He let me know to get my schedule cleared up, cause something was coming. I fought and fought, I didn't want to quit, I worked so hard to become a firefighter/paramedic, I neglected my family duties in order to go to school and the fire academy. All the commons in this rant is "I". I did all this stuff, I went to fire academy, I, I, I....what about God. Did He have nothing to do with this, did He not bring me to this point in my life. Of course He did, or so I believe, I have Faith He did. I have faith in everything God is doing in my life. So why could I not let this go. Why was it so hard for me to quit my job. Why could I just not look back, see what God had brought me through, and trust that He will get me through this. Why? Because I was selfish, I thought I was bigger than God, and most importantly I didn't trust God that much, I guess. I didn't have the faith I thought I did. I trust you God, but I also trust my job. I trust you God, but I also trust my abilities, I trust you God, but I also trust the decisions I have made so far. Well, the decisions I made so far, ended me up being addicted to Cocaine, popping 25 pain killers a day, drinking myself to black out every night, and broke, without any sense of self worth or self pride. I couldnt let go of the past in my life, and I couldn't forgive myself.....till I gave my life to God. So I knew, I couldnt and didnt trust myself or my own decisions. So I knew the only answer was to have faith in God, and do what I felt He was calling me to do.
He was calling me to quit my job, my career as a firefighter/paramedic. He directed me to quit my job, when so many others were losing their jobs, I was gonna quit my job. Ok, decision made, I'm quitting my job, I am trusting God, and taking the Biggest leap of faith, I think I ever will take. Now, how do I tell Karen.....Karen is not the easiest person to tell somethign like this. I knew how the conversation would go. "Bub, I feel like God is calling me to clear my schedule and quit my job at the fire dept. What do you think?" I thought her response would be like this "WHAT?? What will we do for income?? What if we have another baby, and I am out of work for maternity leave?? Go back and talk some more with God!!! Now!!" SOOooooo I thought....but it was just the opposite. She said "I trust you in everything you do for this family, if you say God is guiding you away from the fire dept.? I support you and your decision, I will work full time so that the income is there. I will need you to at least pick up some part time work somewhere." WHAT???????? I wanted to ask her who she was and where my wife was. But that is just it, she was my wife, she was the woman I married, she was the woman that stood behind me when I told her that I was using drugs the entire time we were together. Now she is the same woman who trusts in God enough, that she would stand behind me once again.
So I quit my job, with nothing even lined up to fall back on. Nothing in the works, no interviews, no applications, no jobs, nothing. And it felt great, I was excited, I was nervous, but I was filled with faith in God's plan for my life. All I had was my faith in Him. So I started looking for that part time work, and I found it very easily. I was gonna start working in the hospital ER that I used to work at. I was going through all the motions, but it just did not feel right. My heart was just not there. My heart was in ministry, my heart was with God. But I ignored the ill feeling and kept plugging along. All the while I knew I belonged working for God somewhere. Now I was to the point that I excepted the fact that being on staff at Revolution Church probly would never happen for me. Just was not in the future. So I excepted that, but said to myself, maybe it is at another church. So I prayed, God, give me clarity, I am here before you, schedule cleared, nothing going, and scared. I can't do this on my own, I can only do this through you, who strengthens me. So please guide me. He told me to just be patient.
So then all the stuff with Revolution went down, I was blown away. All I wanted to do, was anythign I could to keep the Church moving in the right direction. I cared about the people involved. But I wasnt called to serve them, I was called to serve God, and bring His lost children to knwo Him. I was called to serve Revolution, and I wasnt going to let Revolution lose sight of why it was blessed with the Vision that it was blessed with. I was gonna do what ever needed to be done, to help the staff. ANYTHING!!! I didnt care about staff positions, this was bigger than that. It was not about me, it was about lost souls that are counting on us to keep this movement going. To keep being Revolutionary for God.
So still jobless, but going through the motions with this hospital. Then into a conversation with Tim and Chad Staff from Revolution, and the meeting was set. I was to meet with them Monday, about what?? I had no clue. But I knew I was estatic to say the least. Got to the meeting, and was a little more official than I thought. I was used to being in the office and helping out, cutting up. This was different, this was serious. Then the offer came. Kevin, we wanna offer you a position on staff with Revolution. I was floored. Just when it was not a priority in my life, just when I excepted it wouldnt happen, just when it stop being the God I was serving....it was consuming me. Just when God saw I let it go, He offered it up to me. now I am so glad to be working with the staff of Revolution Church. Leading the Celebrate Recovery group, and leading Set up/Tear Down on Sundays. To be a part of this HUGE Godly movement going on in Canton, overwhelms me with joy. Do you want fulfillment, set up a church that lives are being changed in.....and feel the enjoyment you get.
There has never been a worse time, in my life.....and there has never been a better time in my life. It is all about how I am going to look at it. God has blessed me with one huge heart for the Lost. Also He has blessed me with one hell of a Tesimony....neither will be wasted on my selfishness, not on my watch!!!
So I ask you this...When God comes calling, will you trust Him enough to answer the call. No Matter what He asks of you? Sometimes the call is huge and sometimes it is small....no matter the size of the calling, it is a call from God. Will you have the Faith to answer. I pray that I will continue to......
God, I pray to you now, for continued clarity on how I can serve you best, and to the highest. Father, bless me with the tools necessary to lead your children to you. God, keep me humble before you, allow me to bring fame to your name, not my own. Father, I love you, I thank you, and I know I am nothing without you.