Throughout my entire blog, I have talked about, and started with my daughter's death. It has been 7 wks and 2 days, since the tragic accident, when my 14 month old little girl left her Da-Da to go be with her Father. Everything I talk about now, it seems to be known to me as, "before then or after then." It is either, before Reagan died or after Reagan died. That is my life story now. Cause on that day, my life change forever.
But till yesterday, till, I read a post on Gary Lamb's blog http://www.garylamb.org/ The title of the post was "Link Love" There I saw the name Steven Furtick. Now I heard this name before, but didn't know where. I close the computer, but, that name. That name, it stayed with me. Steven Furtick, where have I heard this name before. God, what is this name, Steven Furtick? Then it hit me, OH YES!!! Steven Furtick, Pastor of Elevation Church of North Carolina www.ElevationChurch.com. Why was this name sticking with me so much? So I went to the website, and in the top right hand corner was a video of Pastor Furtick's sermon on "The Divine Dip." Across the video, right in the middle, it said "Click to Play" It was like it was in bright NEON letters. It called out to me. So I clicked it and for the next 42mins I was in tears, and in awww, of how God spoke to me. Spoke to in a way that allowed me to stop, open my ears to finally be able to hear what God was speaking to me. Since my daughter died I had asked for guidedance, but I wasn't getting answers from him. Now it became clear to me.
See what I never talked about before, and what I feel like God, has put on my heart, is before my daughter died. Before the tragic day, before God took my daughter, before my son would find his sister, dead. Before all that, about six months before all that. My church, therevolution.tv did a couple of sermons that really spoke to my heart. Really built me up, like I could do anything. Then a couple weeks later, Karen and I went to Anderson, SC, to http://www.newspring.cc/ to watch one of my best friends "Swift" sing worship there. He also sang at Reagan's funeral. While there, the Pastor of the church, didnt give his sermon. No, he "JUST" played a video sermon. I say just, because that is what I was thinking back then. This is 6 months BEFORE my daughter died, remember that. I was there thinking, what a cop-out. The video was called "HOPE-When Life Hurts the Most" Check it out on www.youtube.com This video spoke to my heart. Gave me a sense of understanding, and passion, like I could take on the world, cause of God's love for me. I left that sermon, charged up, and on FIRE for God. When I got home, the very next day. I sat with Karen and Andrea(our nanny) and I said (six months before my daughter died) "I feel like God is preparing me for something HUGE, and I don't mean in a good way!!" Six months before my daughter dies, I tell my wife and my nanny, I feel like God is preparing me for this tragic event. Though I didn't know then, what he was preparing me for. But, I could feel him preparing me, none the less! He was working me, molding me, shaping me, into what he needed me to be. He was building me up, sobering me up, letting me know it was gonna be alright. Though, I didn't know that then, and I Didn't know it while I was going through it. See it wasn't till a few weeks after Reagan died that Karen and I were in a couples therapy appt. When Karen reminded me that I said that. I said to her "Holy Crap, that's right, I did say that. I totally forgot all about that."
I realized while watching that Steven Furtick video sermon. It all came VERY CLEAR!!! God prepared me for what I went through, and am going through. Six months prior to it, he was speaking to me through multiple people, preparing me for what was about to go down in my life. See when Reagan died I was on fire for God, but it was at a "plaeau." I was doing everything I thought God was "calling" me to do. I was tithing like I know God wanted me to do. I was helping others, giving back, and "living for God." I thought I was living a good life, and I was. I was exactly where God NEEDED me to be in my life. So he could drop this bomb off in my lap, and I WOULD BE ABLE TO HANDLE IT. Cause he had been preparing me......"For Something HUGE, and I don't mean in a GOOD way!!" He led me here, he guided me, molded me, and prepared me to be able to handle this. See all kinds of people say to me and Karen, "I don't Know How you are doing it? I couldn't imagine. YOU CAN'T IMAGINE, Because God is not preparing you for it YET!!!! He is however preparing you for what ever you are about to go through. He is there, with you, in front of you guiding you, molding you, for what ever it is that he has for you. "To give you, YOUR testimony, and BRING GLORY TO HIM!!!" See it is all about him!! Everything that happens in our life is to bring Glory to him, Lost your job? It's for his glory. Diagnosed with cancer? It's for his glory. Foreclosed on your house? It's for his glory. YOUR DAUGHTER DIED SUDDENLY? It's for HIS GLORY!!! We don't know why, at the time, but it is somehow. I don't know why God does some of the things he does, with our lives. But it all in some way will eventually open up into his plan for us to spread the word about him. Everything that happens in our life, God has guided from the start. He wants us to use the things, these Happenings, these triumphs, these tragedies, and these relationships, both good and bad. He wants us to you use them as OUR TESTIMONY TO OTHERS not our excuse for failures. This is what Steven Furtick's message opened my eyes to. A Dip in your relationship and walk with God, only means to rejoice when you feel it. Because, it only means there was a RELATIONSHIP there to begin with, and now is a YEARN for MORE! The darker your sorrow, and the deeper your pain(dip), the more God Trusts in you, and knows you can handle it. Because he has led you up to this point in your life. The Deeper our sorrow, and our suffer, the greater our rise. Our trust in him and his plan for our lives. Cause we have that much greater of a testimony. If we believe in him. He needs us to go through what ever it is we our going through in life so, we can minister to the next person who is going through those dips of life. He needs us to be right where we are, right when we are there. It is his plan.
I Love you guys, I thank you for checking out my blog. I try to be as open and honest about the trials and tribulations of MY life. So that maybe it will comfort and minister in some small way, to someone who may be going through something tuff in thier life. When you feel like you can't do it. When "life" seems to be beating you up. Remember, God loves you, and he has built you up strong enough to go through that time in your life. He is there with us, with him all things are possible.
Father,
Wow God, I come before you, thanking you for enlightening me, guiding me, and trusting me, with this testimony of a life you have blessed me with. Father, I have asked for you to let me know why it is that you took Reagan, and you took your time, answering me. I thank you for that, cause in your time, your will, Father, I thank for my family, for my friends, and for the strength, and honor, to speak truthfully to your children. God, I asked only that my words fall on open minds and hearts. I love you, I thank you, And I am nothing with out, In Jesus Name.
Amen.
Good Night and God Bless
